“Hey, let’s take a sel-fish!”. Deep Blue Sea 2 – movie review

When the trailer for Meg, the upcoming horror monster movie starring Jason Statham and featuring a Megalodon as the villain,  came out I thought that movie was going to be loads of cheesy, dumb fun.

Upon watching Deep Blue Sea 2, sequel to the 1999 Deep Blue Sea, I actually think Meg will look like an award-winning cinematic experience in comparison.

Deep Blue Sea 3.jpgBefore delving into the review of this straight-to-DVD horror flick, let me just give you a bit of context: Deep Blue Sea is a 1999 sci-fi action movie, starring Thomas Jane and Samuel L. Jackson, which – although not spectacular, to say the least – gained a small cult following throughout the years. That depended on the now outdated special effects, the paper-thin and dumb plotline, and most of all, the incredibly amusing and over-the-top death scene of Mr Jackson’s character.

19 years down the line, for some reason, somebody, somewhere, decided that Deep Blue Sea needed a sequel: here we follow Carl Durant, a billionaire who, for uncertain reasons, is experimenting on bull sharks to turn them into killing machines (nice move, buddy!). After an accident kills two fishermen, Durant hires three experts – a good looking biologist who wants to demonstrate sharks aren’t monster and a couple of geneticists – to supervise the project: he, then, takes them to a super-secret, underwater headquarter where nothing goes as planned.

The first thing you need to know about this movie is that it looks like a late 90s, made for television flick. One could argue that this is done very much on purpose, to recreate the vibe of the original, but soon enough the viewer is introduced to the cheapest production values and special effects I’ve seen in a long time. Undeniable proof that Deep Blue Sea 2 is beyond cheap, in every way. If anything, it reminds me of train-wrecks along the line of Shark Attack 3 and the shit Asylum Production throws out there every now and then (movies like Megashark vs Gatoroid).

Deep Blue Sea 2Calling the acting in this movie subpar would be an understatement: the main girl – an oversexualised version of Malika Monroe (It Follows, 2014) – is there only to show her boobs and look sexy. Hey, as a straight male viewer I can’t complain too much, but at least she could try not to deliver her lines like if she was on antidepressant. The rest of the cast is even worse, with their either wooden or hysterical performances. Besides, every character is basically a walking cliché (the tough Russian guy, the shady billionaire, the mad scientist, the hot heroine and so on), written so lazily that’s impossible not to laugh at them. Let’s take a close look at some of the dialogue, for example:

“Hey, let’s take a sel-fish!”

“I wanted to prove that sharks ain’t monsters, but what you created is monsters disguised as sharks! Humans shouldn’t mess around with nature!” (I love when movies deliver messages so subtly…)

“You’re a nerd, get us out of here with your computer skills” (stated with a straight face…)

And so on, and so forth.

Deep Blue Sea 1.jpgWhen you think that the movie can’t get any worse, the viewer is introduced to the worst CGI I’ve seen in a long time, with sharks that appear to come from a 2003 computer programme and the silliest editing ever to disguise the lack of budget. At one point, we are also introduced to tiny “vampire sharks” (yeah, it’s that stupid…) that look horrendously crafted and painfully unscary.

Speaking of scare factor, Deep Blue Sea 2 tries to be a horror film by using an insane amount of fake jump-scares that are timed so badly that they don’t even startle the viewer!

And you know what’s the worst part? I kind of enjoyed the movie on a “so bad it’s good” level: I had a blast noticing all the dumb things presented in the movie and how shockingly nonsensical everything was. I’m actually thinking about rewatching it one day… nonetheless, unless you like “so bad it’s good” movies, you won’t find anything to like in Deep Blue Sea, as my final grade will confirm.

Deep Blue Sea 2                    2.5/10

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imdb My review is also available on IMDb – Deep Blue Sea 2

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