A human doll to kill for in one of the biggest cinematic mysteries. The Doll – movie review

Yes, The Doll, a 2018 horror flick directed by shoddy filmmaker Susannah O’Brian and starring Valeria Lukyanova (known as the human Barbie), features a humongous mystery: how the hell this bastard of a movie got made?

Seriously, this no-budget horror flick has the same production values of a homemade birthday party tape! You’d expect that, when the budget is very low, the filmmakers would put effort in the story, right?

The Doll 2Well, The Doll tells the story of two horny teenagers who go on an escort website and ‘order’ a sex slave: the titular doll. Little they know, the human doll is made of different body parts that belonged to criminals. This very imaginative premise (I’m obviously being sarcastic) results into a soft-core porn flick during the first half: naked women with the acting skills of a dead opossum are harassed by the two teenagers who look like they’ve never seen a female human in their lives. There are more holes in this plot than fishnet pantyhose.

The second part of the flick is, instead, a cheap slasher with some of the lamest onscreen killings I have ever seen! In all honesty, Lake Alice (2017) and Don’t Go in the Woods (1981) featured better special effects and gore than The Doll.

Speaking of gore, O’Brian’s movie promised to be full of violence and disturbing scenes, which indeed are there, but they’re also cheaply made to the point you can’t take them seriously at all. Everything is filmed through dark lenses and obtrusive shaky-cam, so that the viewer can’t even reckon what’s going on before their eyes.

Doll 3Can we talk about the acting for one second? The main characters, played by amateurs, are extremely unlikable, their performance is wooden as hell and their decisions plain stupid. Valeria Lukyanova (which, by the way, is the only reason why I watched the movie) is probably the worst actress ever: the 70s Italian actresses who appeared in many cannibal movies are Meryl Streep in comparison.

Every technical feature is atrociously crafted: the editing is amateur, the camera work horrendous, the lighting abominable and so on.

Why did I bother to review (or rant on) The Doll? Because I believe that my readers – both die-hard followers and occasional ones – deserve to be warn to avoid this type of schlock like the plague! Don’t ever watch this movies, unless you like soft-core porn, shitty and poorly produced flicks!

The Doll                     1/10

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imdb My review is also available on IMDb – The Doll