Yes, 2017 has been a great year for the horror genre. That doesn’t mean it left no room for terrible movies, though.
The best ones – at least in my opinion – you can find in my TOP 10 BEST horror movies of 2017.
Yet again, as for the best films of the year, this list is based on my personal opinion, therefore grades and overall qualities (or lack thereof, in this case) don’t count in the order these train wrecks are presented: this is my list, based on my viewing experiences and personal considerations. Just to make clear what my choices had been based on, I included in this very dis-honourable list those horror films that disappointed me the most, that didn’t present interesting concepts nor characters, that are just plain awful.
Before we delve into the infamous TOP 10, here 5 dis-honourable mentions, movies that I deeply disliked but didn’t piss me off enough to be included in the list:
Rings – I expected worse, but the movie is still pretty bad; Creep 2 – a boring flick that, to me, has nothing of interest to offer… most of the viewers liked it, though, so don’t let me stop you from checking it out; Phoenix Forgotten – found-footage alien abduction that feels and looks cheap, without ever being scary or even slightly unsettling; XX – an entirely female horror anthology in which each segment gets worse than the previous one… with the first being highly disappointing to begin with; Temple – a low-budget Japanese-American mess that’s one of the most formulaic and conventional flicks I’ve seen whole year… it nearly made the list. Congratulations! (not really…).
Ready to scrape the bottom of the barrel? Here we go!
10. The Bye Bye Man – As weird as this might sound, I do love The Bye Bye Man. That’s for all the wrong reasons, though. This movie is filled with WTF moments, which make every scene accidentally hilarious: everything, from the ‘scares’ to the story to the technical features, is downright awful in The Bye Bye Man. This is your typical January flick, doomed to be a disaster. However, I even own it on DVD and I’d include it in the ‘so bad it’s good’ category, which makes this train wreck (pun intended) all the more entertaining. And saves it from being at the top – or at the bottom, depending on your point of view – of this list.
9. Leatherface – It’s an origin story that truly disappointed me. Shot over the course of 27 days, clearly showing a lack of respect towards the audience, this incompetent, rushed and terribly filmed mess metaphorically killed an iconic villain like Leatherface and turned him into a ridiculous character. I feel sorry for the French directors who made this movie – the creators of the surprisingly entertaining and gory À l’intérieur (2007) – but this time they failed.
8. Lake Bodom (Finland) – This Finnish slasher flick sounded very promising to me, since it was presented as original and full of twists and turns. However, everything felt like a built-up to said twists… which were also kind of stupid and disappointing. Lake Bodom? More like Lake Boredom!
7. Raw – This is, probably, among the two most debatable entrances on this list of disappointments. If I had to objectively grade this French cannibalism/coming-of-age tale, I’d give it a 6.5/10, but to me the film never worked. Legend says that people fainted at the Cannes Film Festival while watching Raw: well, I did almost faint as well… but out of boredom. This is the most pretentious movie of the year, where characters are unlikable and the story just dumb. People went nuts for the final twist, but I saw it coming from miles away… which didn’t help me enjoying the movie, to say the least. Go eat yourself, Raw!
6. The Belko Experiment – Do you want to watch 90 minutes of people brutally murdering each other in an office building? Check out Mayhem, then, because The Belko Experiment is a huge let down in terms of killings (shouldn’t they be the show-stealers in this type of flicks?), characters, story and, especially, ending. The last few minutes are downright offensive, considering how nonsensical and dumb they are. Directed by Greg McLean (Wolf Creek), written by James Gunn (Guardians of the Galaxy and Guardian of the Galaxy Vol. 2) and featuring an all-star cast, I expected fireworks going in: instead the powder was soaking wet.
5. Alien: Covenant – My heart bleeds at the inclusion of an Alien film in the list, but this sequel truly displeased me. “Watch me, I’ll do the fingering”: do you need anything else to call this movie disappointing? Check out my Everything wrong with Alien: Covenant article, to see exactly why I hate this chapter of the Alien franchise.
4. Lake Alice – Let’s be clear: this straight-to-DVD flick is the worst film of the year, hands down. Also, it might be the worst slasher horror ever made… which is saying something, considering that Bunnyman is out there. However, a 0/10 movie always has something magical and fascinating about it, in my opinion. As one of the worst movies ever made, Lake Alice deserves a high spot on my list, but it’s not the horror flick I hate the most, because the upcoming three titles were even more disappointing.
3. Resident Evil: The Final Chapter – Although the entire franchise is a soulless, money-grabbing pile of rubbish, The Final Chapter manages to be worse than its predecessors, on every single level. Shaky-cam driven mess that has nothing to do with the videogames, this flick proves once again that Paul W.S. Anderson might be a good director, but he just prefers to sit his ass on a steaming pile of cash and make horrendous, serviceable and uninspired flicks. I truly hope this will be the final chapter.
2. Heidi – Heidi combines the two subgenres I hate the most in horror cinema: found-footage and possessed dolls. Some films had proven me wrong in the past, but this straight-to-Amazon Prime masterpiece of disaster (definition by my girlfriend) utilises every single horror trope you can think of to overcome its low-budget and to cash in on people’s expectations. Boring, badly directed, terribly acted and awfully written, Heidi should be hidden in obscurity as the titular doll was, until two dumbass teenagers discovered it.
And the worst freaking horror movie of 2017 is…
1. Wish Upon – This shameless, god-awful flick represents everything I despise about the horror industry, especially in regards to Hollywood. Wish Upon is less than a remote attempt at a crappy movie about a Chinese wish box: PG-13, filled with genre clichés, carried on by the worst-written character I’ve seen in a horror flick in a long time, boring, uneventful, painfully acted, lazily written and executed. John Leonetti (infamous for making some of the worst flicks ever made, such as Mortal Kombat: Annihilation and the first Annabelle) should stick to cinematography, because as a director he sucks. I hate Wish Upon with a passion and I regret sitting through it, therefore this pile of crap takes the disgusting cake for worst horror movie of 2017!
…I must admit: this was therapeutic!